the bleeding room, pt. 1

...


i'm making,
making myself,
disappear,
all together disappear,
i'm gone,
i'm all,
all gone now,
where am i,
where am i,
where i am there are nothing,
nothing there,
i made it all go away,
away with me,
with you,
you didn't stay,
stay and disappear


i dig up my memories ,
put them elsewhere,
with hands that are stained with the smell of...
these are my memories,
they said so when we met,
can you disprove my past?
i dig up my memories,
and put them elsewhere,
tobacco of my past,
running from my...
i face the earth of my past,
so huge


day and night,
it's all the same,
always awake,
day and night cease to matter,
mean nothing to one who is always awake,
thinking, sinking, drinking -
like a king,
thinking, sinking -
like a pen in ink


the solitary nosebleed experience,
the stairwell was like the inside of a body,
the key holes looked like vaginas


a city of one house,
everything is displaced... over on the side,
across the border,
the boundaries in pieces,
placed at remote angles beyond our wildest thoughts,
beyond what can be expected;
this is my movie,
do you want to be in it?


...

the resonance

...

17 may, 2007 - pt. 1



resonated; between march 27 and may 14, my fear of death, my terror, really, for that sudden uncontrollable change, resonated in my head. the disintegration, the steady descent into empty days, resonated. the inhalation of mind altering substances, the insertion of alien objects into the anal cavity, approaching numbness, white coming out of the white sickening walls, the clarity of my absent madness resonated within me. the slow useless masturbation, devoid of emotion, working the shaft of my penis, 48 days, gone up in smoke; resonated. the oscillation of my thoughts like unworldly ropes, razor sharp, cutting and slicing. images mingling, spreading their disease. resonated, Albert Ayler; where did you go? now after, and still - i'm here, and the cold.

resonated; two new feathers added to the assortment of predecessors - is beauty before me; i draw lines, and they resonate.




pt. 2



was love one of mine? the lawn, now mowed, is there; just a thin layer of green, and then dirt, dirt and dirt. i have phone numbers, i'd like to place a call to the future
-hello, i'm so afraid.
-it's resonating.
-will i ever find the harmonies? can i feed upon them?




pt. 3



you can not save what is lost with things that was lost; you can not come to us - we don't want your kind here anymore - i adapt - no, there's nothing to adapt to; we're like that - two lines - only - just like the letters that you scatter over this - they're resonating; your magic works...




pt. 4


home, in my body.
-did i ever feel home in my body?
waiting, scrambled, disentangled; disembodied like me, and waiting. waiting at the wreck of my body, the fragments; resonating. it's green, it's green. green doesn't do it, start up the machine, light up, and, resonate.



...