the hotel

...


i wake with a start. the stench is heavy. fingers coming back wet. oh, mine glory comes alive. i'm transient. see here. behold my sexual organ; this hidden insanity. i move and within me. a host of impossible masks laid to rest. cigarettes lit and left to burn in solitary majesty. i'm startled. my chest is so flat i could be taken for a boy any day, any day. i lean forward... no, i don't

the hotel is in the kitchen. behind the faucets. i go at it with an icepick. the tiles break. the wall breaks open. the pipes burst open and i'm sprayed with hot and cold water. i continue to work my way toward the hotel. i know it's in there. i close my eyes and feel elated, almost elevated. the pain is sudden and i open my eyes and there's blood all over but i can see the hotel now. i'm close. i'm so close nothing can stop me. i'm losing a lot of blood and it makes me feel half. when the hole is big enough for me to press through i toss the icepick to the floor and notices that the water is knee deep. i reach for some towels to use as a crude bandage. the pain is throbbing and i'm dizzy and it's snowing, no, it's not snowing. it's paint. i'm freezing. i can't see my luggage. did i bring it here or did i leave it at... i rip off the telephone cord to fasten the towel. the words i do is not the thinking and a voice from the past and i need a cigarette but the package is soaking wet i have to wait until i get to the hotel i think i've wet myself i can not say. i look around but the kitchen is so fogged up from the hot water that i can't see and i climb on top of the sink and stick my head and shoulders through the hole and it's really big enough i wish i knew where my luggage... but the cord gets stuck in something and... screaming... i turn around and there are the moon, it's only half and hands grab at me and helps me through, the doorman must have seen me, yes, it's the doorman. i'm safe. i'm going to i'm going i'm


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